Hmmm . . .

• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
• Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
• Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
• Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty For Miss America?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
• If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
• Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
• Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
• Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out!"
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
• When your photo is taken for your driver's license,why do they tell you to smile? If you are stoppedby the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
• If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
• Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's inyour butt?
  

Araw ng mga Puso

Walang Araw Ang Mga Puso
Ni Francisco Montesena

(binasa ni Boy Abunda sa TV show niya na Homeboy noong Feb 14, 2006)


Walang araw ang mga puso.


Ayokong sukatin
sa talulot ng mga bulaklak
O tamis ng mga tsokolate
ang halaga ng pagmamahal.
Wala sa kulay rosas,
sa higpit ng mga yakap,
sa lamig ng paligid,
o dalas ng pagniniig.
Wala sa agwat
o lapit ng mga labi
kapag dumadampi;
Wala sa dalas ng pagyakap
O sa paulit-ulit na pagbanggit
ng “Mahal Kita”;
Wala sa mga nililikuang lugar
kapag darang sa sidhi
ng damdaming napupukaw;
Dahil ang puso ko
ay walang piniling araw
upang mangibabaw


ang tamis
ang kulay
ang lamig
ang init
ang halik
ang yakap


Kung may araw man ang puso,
Lahat ng ito ay pagmamay-ari mo.

Thus Spake Bum

Sinong 'di Mawiwili

Lolito Go

Sangkap sa gayuma:

Isang kutsaritang katatawanan
Dalawa’t kalahating bote ng nimpas
Isang tableta ng harana ni Lito Camo
Tatlong bayong ng mga hilaw na pangako

Gayuma’y para kanino?

Para kay Pedrong nagpapagal
at napupuyat sa pamamasada
habang kumakaskada
ang laway ng pagnanasa
sa hiwaga ng ideyang
biglang-yaman

Para kay Mariang mamad na
ang mga palad sa paglalaba
habang umaatungal
ang mga anak niyang
mulagat na
sa pagdadalang-bulate’t kabag

Para sa mga panatikong paboritong ulamin
ng mga pulitikong
bukambibig ang pagbabago at paghahango
sa mga natubog
sa pusali ng karukhaa’t kamangmangan

Para sa mga taong kinakagat ng ulol na tadhana
at kinakasta ng kamalasan
habang sinasampal pa ng mataray
na demokrasyang
iilan lang talaga ang kinikilala

Bisa ng gayuma:

Laksa-laksang isdang walang palaypay
sa laot ng agaw-buhay na pangarap
Laksa-laksang ibong walang pakpak
sa alapaap na nagbabadya ng ulan
Nagkaumpuga’t nagkabalyahan
Pasugod sa tarangkahan ng ginayumahang…
Bitag!

Masusumpungan din nila ang langit,
Sa wakas!

Sinong ‘di masisisi

** Ang tula mong "Sinong Di Mawiwili" ay ang pinsan ng tulang matagal ko na sanang ginawa, tulang parang nasa dulo ng aking dila, tulang nag-uumalpas sa tuwing naririnig ko ang tila nang-uuyam na awit na iyan ni Lito Camo. Tulang hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko malapatan ng wastong mga kataga dahil sa pansamantalang pag-iwas ko sa pagtula.

Salamat Bum sa pagpapamukha mo sa akin ng aking karuwagan.

- Ate Me-Ann