M	Meek
A	Amorous
R	Relaxed
Y	Young
A	Amorous
N	Noisy
N	Nutty

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Ang Kagila-gilalas na Pakikipagsapalaran ni Inday

Ma’am/Sir,

I hereby render my irrevocable resignation as your employee, effective today. It has been a pleasant stay in your company, but owing to personal reasons, I am compelled to move on.

I would like to thank you and your good management for the wonderful experience accorded to me during my stay in your company.

Yours Katulong,

Inday

“I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of work that you want.

My creativity, productivity and work efficiency and the high quality of outputs I can offer will boost the work progress.”

- Cover letter ng resume ni Inday sa bago niyang amo

“A change in the weather patterns might have occured causing havoc to affected sorroundings. The way debris are scattered indicated that the gust of wind is going northeast . . . causing damage to the path it is going.”

- Sagot ni Inday sa amo nang tanungin kung bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay.

“As much as I want to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent and malicious information, I want to lift the stigma and aleviate the society’s perception of our profession.”

- Inday, tumatangging makipagtsismisan sa katulong ng kabilang bahay.

“Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.”

- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin ng amo kung bakit may bukol si Junior

“Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one’s body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.”

- sabi ni Inday sa Amo nung humingi siya ng day-off

Amo: Inday, di ba nanood ka ng D Buzz kanina?

Inday: Yes, bakit Ma’am?

Amo: Bakit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa Channel 7?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they’ll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it’s harder when people can’t understand you for doing so.

“Bloody hell!!!What the fuck did just land on my cutie top?! I mean I’ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I’ll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!”

- reaction ni Inday nung matalsikan siya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapya

“Potatoes when consumed in their raw state are rapidly converted to glucose that raises insulin levels because of its simple sugar. When cooked in higher temperature like french fries, they produce large amount of free radicals in the body, causing aging, clotting, inflammation, cancer, weight gain . . . one french fry is worse than one cigarette.”

- Sagot ni Inday sa amo nang tanungin kung bakit hindi siya nagluluto ng french fries

“It’s absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because it sucks!”

- Inday habang kasama si Junior sa Principal’s Office. Tulala ang Principal

“Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins, these subtances result to increase circulation to the site promoting redness.”

- Sagot ni Inday nang tanungin ng amo kung bakit may mga rashes si Junior

Amo: Nakita mo ba yung lunar eclipse kagabi?

Inday: The fact that a low pressure area is proliferating within the Philippine area of Responsibility added by intertropical convergence zone and southwest monsoon over the rest of the country, how can we possibly witness that natural phenomenon?

Amo: Sorry, sorry. Wala na bang sorry?

The Wooden Bowl

Tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, we will not forget BUT surely we will remember the story of The Wooden Bowl. So, here
it goes :

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in- law, and 4-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.

But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in- law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The 4-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

From this story, we learn, on a positive note, that no matter what happens, no matter how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

We learn that we can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

We learn that, regardless of our relationships with our parents, we shall surely miss them when they're gone from our lives.

We learn that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life"...

We learn that life sometimes give us a second chance.

We learn that we shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. We need to be able to throw something back.

We learn that if we pursue happiness, it will elude us. BUT if we focus on our family, our friends, the needs of others, our work and doing the very best we can, happiness will find us.

We learn that whenever we decide something with an open heart, we usually make the right decision.

We learn that even when we have pains, we don't have to be one.

We learn that every day, we should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

And Finally, Dear Friends, in our earthly existence,

We Learn that We Still ... Have A Lot To Learn

Better to Give

A young man, a student in one of the universities, was one day taking a walk with a Professor, who was commonly called the student"s friend, from his kindness to those who waited on his instructions.

As they went along, they saw lying in the path a pair of old shoes, which they supposed to belong to a poor man who was employed in a field close by,and who had nearly finished his day"s work.

The student turned to the professor, saying: "Let us play the man a trick: we will hide his shoes, and conceal ourselves behind those bushes, and wait to see his perplexity when he cannot find them."

"My young friend," answered the professor, "we should never amuse ourselves at the expense of the poor. But you are rich, and may give yourself a much greater pleasure by means of this poor man. Put a coin in each shoe, and then we will hide ourselves and watch how this affects him."

The student did so and they both placed themselves behind the bushes close by. The poor man soon finished his work, and came across the field to the path where he had left his coat and shoes.

While putting on his coat he slipped his foot into one of his shoes, but feeling something hard, he stooped down to feel what it was, and found the coin. Astonishment and wonder were seen upon his countenance. He gazed upon the coin, turned it around, and looked at it again and again.

He then looked around him on all sides, but no person was to be seen. He now put the money into his pocket, and proceeded to put on the other shoe; but his surprise was doubled on finding the other coin.

His feelings overcame him; he fell upon his knees, looked up to the heavens and uttered aloud a fervent thanksgiving in which he spoke of his wife who was sick and helpless, and his children without bread, whom this timely bounty, from some unknown hand, would save from perishing.

The student stood there deeply affected, and his eyes filled with tears. "Now," said the professor, are you not much better pleased than if you had played your intended trick?"

The youth replied, "You have taught me a lesson which I will never forget. I feel now the truth of these words, which I never understood before: "It"s more blessed to give than to receive."

The Story of the Three Trees

Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said,

"Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the Hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter, "and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree the woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree. I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the Woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree, I'll take this one," and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for.

The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end.

The third tree was cut into large pieces, and left alone in the dark.

The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and He stood and said "Peace" and the Storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, God will give you great gifts.

Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined.

We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

Alay na Tula ni Kuya Sam

me-ann,

aking pipitasin tangkay ng kataga
kay bangong talulot ng panalinghaga
na namumukadkad sa pananariwa
upang maidulog sa natanging mutya

at muli sa hardin ng KAMAKATAHAN
pagbati ng galak ay nag-uunahan
upang mailuhog sa ating tahanan
ang saya at lugod para sa 'ting Me-ann

kahit na nahuli'y pilit humahabol
may tunog-gitara, trumpeta, at tambol
may kwitis na kislap ngayo'y 'sinasaboy
pagbati'y sariwa't di pa naluluoy!

Happy b-day Me-ann

Kuya Sam
04/20/07

Handog na Tula ni Kiko

Kay Me-ann
By: Francis Monteseña

Huwag,

Huwag kang matakot.

Huwag kang matakot taluntunin

Ang daang nakalaan para sa iyo.

Iyan,

Iyan ay para sa ‘yo.

Di man piliin, iyong tupdin

Ang kasi ng laan sa iyong kapalaran.

Hindi,

Hindi ka mag-iisa.

Hindi ka mag-iisang tumahak

Sa ganitong landas, dalawa tayong tatapak.

Sundin mo ang takbo ng lahat

at pagdating sa dulo ng di masipat

Kapwa natin matatantong, mabuti,

Mabuti at pinili mong maglakbay ditong

Kasama ako.

04/19/2007

Balota

Una si Pong, ang kamag-aral ko sa elementarya. Matagal na niya akong kinukumbinse. Alang-alang daw sa anim na taon naming pagiging magkaklase at magkatabi sa row one. Ilakad ko naman daw sa mga kamag-anakan ko ang pinsan niyang kandidato sa pagka- Vice Governor. Sabi ko, "titingnan ko." Aba'y humirit pa, huwag ko raw basta tingnan, kundi gawin ko.

Sa lalapit naman ang kamag-aral ko ng high school na si Egay, kakandidato pala siya sa pagka-konsehal ng aming bayan. Nagulat ako dahil para kakong masyado pa siyang bata para doon. Natawa pa ang loko nang tanungin ko kung bakit hiundi muna siya mag-SK. Andiyan naman daw ang tatay niya na ex-councilor ng bayan namin. Naiiling na lang akong lumayo. Tingnan mo nga naman, paano kayang aaktong konsehal ang isang magaling mangopya at kilalang pilyo. Akala yata'y panay pagpapa-cute lang ang mundo ng konseho. Sabi ko na lang "titingnan ko."

Nung Linggo naman, paglabas ko ng simbahan, sinimplehan ako ni Tiyo Gusting. Sino daw ba ang dadalhin ko sa pagka-Vice Mayor. Tahimik lang ako. Baka naman daw kalimutan ko pa yung pamangkin niya sa pinsan na asawang kauli ng inaanak ng bilas ng lolo sa tuhod ng namayapa niyang asawa. Bilang paggalang ko na lamang daw sa kaluluwa ng aking Tiya Ester ay dalhin ko na si Tangkad at sa hanay naman ng mga Senador ay bibigyan niya ako ng listahan. Yung Mayor daw na katiket ni Tangkad, huwag na huwag ko raw di dadalhin dahil kapag natalo iyon ay siguradong hihina ang sabungan sa amin. Ayun! Lumabas din ang tunay na motibo. Nasabi ko na lang na paiwas, "titingnan ko po."

Ah si Nanay . . . medyo mabigat ang hiling ng Nanay ko. Yung Ninong daw niya na kandidato sa pagka-Mayor ay susuportahan ng buong pamilya namin. Kasubuan na raw. Mangangatwiran pa sana ako pero pinandilatan na niya ako, sasama din daw ako sa pangangampanya. Wika kong paungol, "titingnan ko po." Nagkaroon pa tuloy ako ngayon ng problema. Mahigpit kasing magkalaban ang manok ni Nanay at ang bata ni Tata Gusting. Pareho ko silang iginagalang at ayaw ko silang biguin hanggang maaari.

Si Tata Gusting na mula pagkabata ay laging nariyan para sa akin. Ngayon ngang kaya ko ng gumanti ay ayaw pa ring tatanggap. At ang sabi pa niya, ngayon lamang daw siya hihiling sa akin. Si Nanay naman, bilang kanyang panganay, malaki ang paniniwala niyang maiimpluwensiyahan ko ang mga nakababata kong kapatid.

Pareho ko silang mahal, pareho ko silang iginagalang, haaay, pero paano naman ang gusto ko?

Only in the Philippines

* Nakasulat sa pader:
"MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG UMIIHI DITO!"

* along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"

* in a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"

* in Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"

* on a parking lot:
"TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED"

* along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"

* on Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF"

* on a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"

* on a delivery truck:
"NOT FOR HERE"

* on window of a restaurant in Baguio:
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"

* A grafitti inside the cubicle of a ladies' C.R. in a university:
"PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE A QUEEN."

* At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"

* at a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"

* somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"

* vacant lot near makati ave.:
"DON'T PARKING"

* at an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!

and this is the best of them all!!
* on a building somewhere in the Philippines...
"NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO"

Sariling Wika

Basahin nyo kung wala kayong ginagawa...

BAKA MAKALIMUTAN NINYO ANG SARILING WIKA... DI NAMAN KAYO LUMAKI SA IBANG BANSA...

Abuloy --- bayad sa nahigop na kape at nanguyang biskwit sa nilamayang sakla.
Akala ---- alam na alam daw.
Aginaldo - inaasahan na makukuha sa araw ng Pasko na mas okay sana kung pera na lang.
Bakasyon - sandaliang pahinga sa trabahong hingal lang ang pahinga.
Bakit ---- tanong na laging mahirap masagot.
Bakya ---- tsinelas na may takong.
Baga ----- lutuan ng mga hindi makabili ng microwave.
Bagoong -- masarap na ulam ng mga walang maiulam.
Baldado -- hindi mamamatay-matay na mukhang hindi na mabubuhay.
Bale ----- suweldong inutang.
Kaaw ay --- ikli ng 'kaibigan na Inayawan.'
Kababata - dating gelpren na may ibang boypren.
Kabag ---- utot na naipon sa tiyan.
Kabayo --- hayop na sinasakyan ng kalesa.
Kalbo ---- gupit ng buhok na korteng itlog.
Dalaginding - dalagang hindi pa nagsusuot ng bra.
Dilim ---- liwanag na maitim.
E -------- ireng paseksi.
Gahasa --- romansang walang ligawan.
Ginang --- asawa ni ginoo na mukha nang tsimay.
Ginoo ---- inaasawa ni ginang na may inaasawang iba.
Gipit ---- kalagayan ng tao na suki na ng sanglaan.
Ha ------- sagot ng nagbibingi-bingihan .
Halakhak - tawang bukang-buka ang ngala-ngala.
Handaan -- magdamagan na palakihan ng tiyan.
Handog --- bigay na laging may kapalit.
Hipo ----- haplos na may malisya.
Hudas ---- tapat na manloloko.
Ibon ----- hayop na lumalangoy sa hangin.
Imposible - pagtaas ng unano.
Insulto --- walang hiyang biro.
Isda ------ hayop na hindi nalulunod.
Ita ------- negrong Pinoy.
La -------- ikli ng 'lalalalala' sa kinakantang hindi maalala.
Lalawigan - syudad ng kahirapan.
Langaw ---- kulisap na bangung-bango sa amoy ng basura.
Ma - ------- tawag sa gelpren na mukhang nanay na.
Malusog --- hitsura ng tumatabang balat.
Mama ------ tawag sa sosyal na ina.
Mano ------ kaugaliang Pinoy na nakapupudpod ng noo.
Mantika --- katas ng piniritong taba.
Maybahay -- asawang utusan sa bahay.
Nakaw ----- pagkuha ng walang pasabing 'akin na lang ito.'
Naku ------ ikli ng 'ina ko, ina na ako.'
Nitso ----- bahay ng mga patay.
Nobya ----- gelpren na laking probinsya.
Ngalngal -- iyak ng walang ngipin.
Ngisi ----- tawang tulo-laway.
Ngiti ----- tawang labas ngiti.
Paa ------- bahagi ng katawan na amoy lupa.
Paaralan -- dito itinuturo kung ano, alin o sino ang mapipiling bobo.
Panata ---- dasal na nakatataba ng tuhod.
Regla ----- masungit na panahon ng pagkababae.
Sabon ----- mabangong bagay na ipinapahid sa mabahong katawan.
Sakristan - utusan ng pari.
Sampal ---- haplos na nakatitigas ng mukha.
Ta -------- ikli ng 'tita' o lalaking may bra.
Tamad ----- taong hindi napapagod sa pahinga.

Kung Anu-Ano Lang . . .

• Hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko lately, parang dumadalas ang paninikip ng kanang dibdib. Yung pakiramdam na parang may nakabara sa ugat. Nagpa-ECG ako last Saturday, walang available na doktor na babasa ng result. Plano kong mag-undertime one of these days para maasikaso na at ng hindi ako kinakabahan.
• Nararamdaman ko rin, parang patuloy ako sa pagtaba. Ang laki na ng tiyan ko. Nakaka-conscious na tuloy.
• Kahapon, nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataong kumustahin at makipagkwentuhan sa aking kauna-unahang kumare, si Millet. As usual, kinantyawan na naman ako kung kailan ako mag-aasawa. Pwede na raw umabay ang inaanak ko sa kanya na ngayon ay 11 years old na. Nang sa dadaan ang isa ko pang kumare, galing sila ng inaanak ko sa simbahan. Wala pang 10 minutes, dumaan naman ang isa ko pang kumare, kasama ang inaanak ko namang lalaki. Parang nagkalat yata ang mga inaanak ko ah!
• Gusto ko na ulit tumula, kaso wala akong maisip na magandang tulain. Nagkakasya na lamang ako sa pagsusulat sa aking journal. Isinusulat ko lahat ng mga kakaibang ideya na pumapasok sa isip ko.

Hmmm . . .

• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
• Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
• Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
• Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty For Miss America?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
• If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
• Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
• Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
• Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out!"
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
• When your photo is taken for your driver's license,why do they tell you to smile? If you are stoppedby the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
• If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
• Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's inyour butt?
  

Araw ng mga Puso

Walang Araw Ang Mga Puso
Ni Francisco Montesena

(binasa ni Boy Abunda sa TV show niya na Homeboy noong Feb 14, 2006)


Walang araw ang mga puso.


Ayokong sukatin
sa talulot ng mga bulaklak
O tamis ng mga tsokolate
ang halaga ng pagmamahal.
Wala sa kulay rosas,
sa higpit ng mga yakap,
sa lamig ng paligid,
o dalas ng pagniniig.
Wala sa agwat
o lapit ng mga labi
kapag dumadampi;
Wala sa dalas ng pagyakap
O sa paulit-ulit na pagbanggit
ng “Mahal Kita”;
Wala sa mga nililikuang lugar
kapag darang sa sidhi
ng damdaming napupukaw;
Dahil ang puso ko
ay walang piniling araw
upang mangibabaw


ang tamis
ang kulay
ang lamig
ang init
ang halik
ang yakap


Kung may araw man ang puso,
Lahat ng ito ay pagmamay-ari mo.

Thus Spake Bum

Sinong 'di Mawiwili

Lolito Go

Sangkap sa gayuma:

Isang kutsaritang katatawanan
Dalawa’t kalahating bote ng nimpas
Isang tableta ng harana ni Lito Camo
Tatlong bayong ng mga hilaw na pangako

Gayuma’y para kanino?

Para kay Pedrong nagpapagal
at napupuyat sa pamamasada
habang kumakaskada
ang laway ng pagnanasa
sa hiwaga ng ideyang
biglang-yaman

Para kay Mariang mamad na
ang mga palad sa paglalaba
habang umaatungal
ang mga anak niyang
mulagat na
sa pagdadalang-bulate’t kabag

Para sa mga panatikong paboritong ulamin
ng mga pulitikong
bukambibig ang pagbabago at paghahango
sa mga natubog
sa pusali ng karukhaa’t kamangmangan

Para sa mga taong kinakagat ng ulol na tadhana
at kinakasta ng kamalasan
habang sinasampal pa ng mataray
na demokrasyang
iilan lang talaga ang kinikilala

Bisa ng gayuma:

Laksa-laksang isdang walang palaypay
sa laot ng agaw-buhay na pangarap
Laksa-laksang ibong walang pakpak
sa alapaap na nagbabadya ng ulan
Nagkaumpuga’t nagkabalyahan
Pasugod sa tarangkahan ng ginayumahang…
Bitag!

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Sa wakas!

Sinong ‘di masisisi

** Ang tula mong "Sinong Di Mawiwili" ay ang pinsan ng tulang matagal ko na sanang ginawa, tulang parang nasa dulo ng aking dila, tulang nag-uumalpas sa tuwing naririnig ko ang tila nang-uuyam na awit na iyan ni Lito Camo. Tulang hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko malapatan ng wastong mga kataga dahil sa pansamantalang pag-iwas ko sa pagtula.

Salamat Bum sa pagpapamukha mo sa akin ng aking karuwagan.

- Ate Me-Ann

Malulupit Na Pick-up Lines

Para Sa Mga Singles out there . . . baka makakuha kayo ng idea. Tutal malapit na ang Valentine's Day

1. Minamalat na naman ang puso ko..
*** paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo..

2. Ikaw ba may-ari ng Crayola??
*** ikaw kasi nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ko..

3. Uy picture tayo!!
*** para ma-develop tayo!!

4. Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, mashushoot ba kita??
*** hinde, kasi lagi kita mamimiss..

5. Can i take your picture??
*** coz i want to show Santa exactly what i want for christmas!!

6. Exam ka ba??
*** gustong gusto na kasi kitang i-take home eh!!

7. Lecture mo ba ako??
*** lab kasi kita..

8. Centrum ka ba??
*** kasi you make my life complete!!

9. Miss pwede ba kita maging driver??
*** para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko..

10. Mahilig ka ba sa asukal??
*** ang tamis kasi ng mga ngiti mo..

11. Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard??
*** type kasi kita..

12. I hate to say this but... You are like my underwear..
*** i can't last a day without you!!

13. Ibibili kita ng salbabida..
*** kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko..

14. Pwede ba kitang maging sidecar??
*** single kasi ako eh..

15.Me lisensya ka ba??
*** coz you're driving me crazy..

16. May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo??
*** may sira ata relo ko.. pag ikaw kasi kasama ko, humihinto ang oras ko..

17. Grabe nakakatawa yung mga pick-up lines noh?? hahaha! May alam ka pa bang iba?? Wala na akong maisip eh..
*** kundi ikaw..

18. I'm a bee..*** can you be my honey??

19. Nakakatakot di ba ang multo??
*** pero mas nakakatakot kapag nawala ka sa buhay ko..

20. Am i a bad shooter??
*** coz i keep on missing you..

21. Tatay mo ba bumbero??
*** kase your hot!!!

22. Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight??
*** O gusto mong dumaan ulit ako??

23. Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzle noh??
*** kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko, pero nabuo mo na agad..

24. Excuse me.. Are you a dictionary??
*** because you give meaning to my life..

25. Bangin ka ba??
*** nahuhulog kasi ako sa'yo..

26. Pustiso ka ba??
*** kasi, can't smile without you..

27. Pagod na pagod ka na noh??
*** maghapon at magdamag kana kasing tumatakbo sa isipan ko eh..

28. May butas ba puso mo??
*** kasi natrap na ako sa loob, & i can't find my way out!!

29. Anung height mo??
*** ha?? pano ka nagkasya sa loob ng puso ko?

30. Hey, did you fart??
*** coz you blew me away!!

31. Sana "T" na lang ako..
*** para i'm always right next to "U"

32. Are you Jamaican??
*** kasi Ja-maican me crazy!!

33. Hindi tayo tao..Hindi tayo hayop...
*** bagay tayo...BAGAY talaga tayo...

34. Ako ay isang exam...
*** kaya sagutin mo na ako...

35. Alam mo bang scientist ako??
*** at ikaw ang lab ko...

101 Ways To Tell If You're Filipino

1. You point with your lips.
2. You eat using hands and you have it down to a technique.
3. Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
4. You nod upwards to greet someone.
5. You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knee while eating.
6. You think that half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.
7. You have to kiss your relative on the cheek as soon as you enter the room.
8. You're standing next eight big boxes at the airport.
9. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir."
10. You smile for no reason.
11. You flirt by having a foolish grin in your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
12. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
13. You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
14. You scratch your head when you don't know the answer.
15. You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.
16. You like bowling.
17. You know how to play pusoy and mahjong.
18. You find dried up morsels of rice stuck on your shirt.
19. You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun.
20. You add an unwarranted "H" to your name, i.e. "Jhun," Bhoy," "Rhon."
21. You put hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
22. Your middle name is your mother's maiden name.
23. You like everything imported or "state-side. "
24. You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made before buying.
25. You hang your clothes out to dry.
26. You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees.
27. You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events.
28. You always offer food to all your visitors.
29. You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
30. You say "for take out" instead of "to go"
31. You say "open" or "close" the light.
32. You ask for a "pentel-pen" or a "ball-pen" instead of just "pen."
33. You asked for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste. "
34. You refer to the refrigerator as the "ref" or "pridyider."
35. You say "kodakan" instead of take a picture.
36. You order a McDonald's instead of "hamburger"( pronounced ham-boor-jer)
37. You say "Ha" instead of "What."
38. You say "Hoy" to get someone's attention.
39. You answer when someone yells "Hoy."
40. You turn around when someone says "Psst"
41. You say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish."
42. You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa.
43. You say "aray" instead of "ouch."
44. Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."
45. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA: for over acting or "TNT" for, well, you know.
46. You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
47. You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."
48. You use a "walis ting-ting" or "walis tambo" as opposed to a conventional broom.
49. You use a "Weapons of Moroland" shield hanging in the living room wall.
50. You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room.
51. You own a karaoke system.
52. You own a piano that no one ever plays.
53. You have a tabo in the bathroom.
54. Your house has too many burloloys.
55. You have two to three pairs of tsinelas at your doorstep.
56. Your house has an ornate wrought iron gate in front of it.
57. You have a rose garden.
58. You have a shrine of the "Santo Niño" in your living room.
59. You have a "barrel man" (you pull up the barrel and you see something that looks familiar. Schwing...)
60. You cover the living room furniture with bedsheets.
61. Your lampshades still have the plastic cover on them.
62. You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your house.
63. You refer to your VCR as a "betamax."
64. You have a rice dispenser.
65. You own a turbo boiler.
66. You own one of those fiber optic flower lamps.
67. You own a lamp with oil that drips down the strings.
68. You have a giant wooden fork and spoon hanging somewhere in the dining room.
69. You have a giant wooden tinikling dancer on the wall.
70. You have capiz shells chandeliers, lamps, or placemats.
71. You have a Mercedes Benz and you call it "chedeng."
72. You own a huge van conversion.
73. Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it is in reverse.
74. Your car horn can make 2 or 3 different sounds.
75. Your car has curb feelers or curb detectors.
76. Your car has too many "burloloys" like a Jeepneys back in P.I.
77. You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
78. You have an air freshener in your car.
79. You have aunts and uncles named "Baby," "Girlie," or "Boy."
80. You were raised to believe that every Filipino is an aunt, uncle or a cousin.
81. Your Dad was in the Navy.
82. Your mom or sister or wife is a nurse.
83. You have a family member or relative that works in the Post Office.
84. Your parents call each other "Mommy" and "Daddy" or "ma" and "pa."
85. You have family member that has a nickname that repeats itself, i.e."Deng-Deng, " Ling
86. Ling" or "Bing-Bing"
87. You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
88. You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to French fries.
89. You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal.
90. You order thing like tapsilog, tosilog, or longsilog at restaurants.
91. You instinctively grab a toothpick after each meal.
92. You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."
93. You dip bread in your morning coffee.
94. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutamate as "Ajinomoto."
95. Your cupboards are full of Spam, Vienna Sausage, Ligo, and Corned Beef, which you refer to as Karne Norte.
96. Goldilocks means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
97. You appreciate a fresh pot of rice.
98. You bring your "baon" most of the time to work.
99. Your "baon" is usually something over rice.
100. Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.100.You eat rice for breakfast.
101. You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.

Friends Forever

Try this!

http://www.sta.nus.edu.sg/~zhangjt/life/lovegame.html

* from Angel 24-7*

They're Playing Your Song

By Alan Cohen

When a woman in a certain African tribe knows she is pregnant, she goes out into the wilderness with a few friends and together they pray and meditate until they hear the song of the child. They recognize that every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavor and purpose. When the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud. Then they return to the tribe and teach it to everyone else.

When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child's song to him or her. Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child's song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing. At the time of marriage, the person hears his or her song.

Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather at the person's bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing the person to the next life.

When I have shared this story in my lectures, a fair amount of people in the audience come to tears. There is something inside each of us that knows we have a song, and we wish those we love would recognize it and support us to sing it. In some of my seminars I ask people to verbalize to a partner the one phrase they wish their parents had said to them as a child. Then the partner lovingly whispers it in their ear. This exercise goes very deep, and many significant insights start to click. How we all long to be loved, acknowledged, and accepted for who we are!

In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them. The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.

A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.

If you do not give your song a voice, you will feel lost, alone, and confused. If you express it, you will come to life. We attract people on a similar wavelength so we can support each other to sing aloud. Sometimes we attract people who challenge us by telling us that we cannot or should not sing our song in public. Yet these people help us too, for they stimulate us to find greater courage to sing it.

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn't.

In the end, we should all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers.

Just keep singing and you'll find your way home.

Sino Si Ederlyn?

Christmas break noon nang makatanggap ako ng text message na inakala kong hindi para sa akin. Ang sabi kasi:

"Uy, invited daw tayo sa b-day party ni Ederlyn mamayang 8pm. Text-text na lang ha! Kita-kits!"

Sumakit ang ulo ko sa kaiisip kung sino si Ederlyn sa buhay ko. Nang may kalahating oras na at wala pa rin akong matandaang babaeng may ganoong pangalan ay kinumbinse ko ang aking sarili na ito ay pakana ng kung sinong nais magpatawa.

Sino si Ederlyn, ang tanong ng lahat ng pinadalhan ko ng text na iyon. Tinawanan ko na lamang. Naloka nga ako nang magreply ang isa kong kaibigan from Naga, oo daw pupunta daw siya. Susme, nagkataon palang may kakilala talaga siyang Ederlyn! Kung hindi ko pala binawi ang joke ay malamang nagpunta siya sa bahay ng Ederlyn na iyon.

At kung inakala kong doon matatapos ang isyung Ederlyn na iyan ay nagkakamali pala ako dahil nang pumasok ang taong 2007, may natanggap na naman akong mensahe:

"Sa lahat ng pumunta kagabi, maraming salamat. Sa mga hindi naman nakapunta, okei lang. Sana lang nag-text kayo at makabawi next time."- Ederlyn

Hehehe, muntik rin akong makumbinsi na may Ederlyn ngang umasa sa pagdating ko sa birthday niya. Alam kong tulad ko rin, ang mga kaibigan ko ay naghihintay ng bagong development sa istorya ng misteryosang babaeng ito.

"Ang ganda mo pala sa personal! Salamat sa pag-imbita ulit - Tirso

At nagkaroon na yata ng bagong twist, lumitaw na may nakarating naman pala sa birthday party ni Ederlyn.

Nang nakaraang Biyernes, natanggap ko ito:

"NAGBABAGANG REBELASYON. Madaming nagtatanong. Kinukwestiyon ang pagkatao niya. Handa na siyang humarap sa publiko at sagutin lahat ng katanungan sa kanya. Ilalabas na rin niya ang kanyang hinanakit sa diumanong nilangaw na b-day celebration niya. EDERLYN babasagin ang katahimikan. EKSKLUSIBO, Sa LINGGO, LIVE SA THE BUZZ!"

Hay, ano naman kaya ang kasunod nito? Hehehe. Abangan natin ang susunod na kaabanata

Answer: Me-Ann

Isang nakakalokang forwarded message ang nakatuwaan kong ipadala sa mga kaibigan ko.

If "Me-Ann" was the answer, what would be the question?

At eto ang sagot ng ilan:

Liza: Sino ang sweet Lola na walang asawa?
Tet: Sino ang true friend?
Chat: Who will turn a boring statement into something funny and naughty?
Vonn: What's fun when mixed with artistic poetry?
Gex: Sino ang national bestfriend?
Rejie: Bakit? (na sinagot ko ng "kasi!")